Hello Friends and Family!
This week I have been inspired by many things. One: My mom. (:D) Two: A talk by Elder Cook called, "Hope Ya Know We Had a Hard Time." Third: My first good prayer in a long time.
Spirit Burst: My prayers have been weak for a while. Do I pray in English or in Japanese? Why am I so miserable? How do I be an effective missionary in these circumstances? I let those questions really bother me and weaken my personal prayers. They were short and to the affect of: "Hope ya know I'm having a hard time." My stubbornness created a wall that prohibited me from receiving help and consolation from those that could help. I have never done anything as hard as this. This is hard and I've hurt a lot and I'm only a quarter of the way done (I'm not counting; numbers courtesy of Rachel ;D). This is NOT what I thought it would be. Yet I was being such a stubborn bum! Well, who better to help than my mom and on what better day than Mother's Day? (Trevik and Dad`s advice was similar and helpful.) Guess what they all said. . . "Take it to the Lord." And yesterday for the first time in a while I had a conversation with God. I cried. I told Him that I hurt, and I told Him where it hurt. As I poured everything on the floor and offered it to the Lord my mind de-fogged. I saw what problems I could fix, and then I saw those that couldn't be fixed by me. I felt a strength to just deal with the burdens that can't be fixed. Yesterday was a good day because of it. My understanding of the Atonement deepened a little. If you're hurt, take it to the Lord. If you've been wronged, take it to the Lord. If you feel alone, invite the Lord to stay with you. I am still in the same situations. I still have problems. Nothing visably has changed, but I'm trusting the Lord to help with those things I can't do alone. And I've felt it already. I wasn't delivered from my trials but I am receiving strength that is not my own to bear the weight. I'll survive. :)
Elder Cook's talk: "Hope Ya Know We Had a Hard Time, " President Eyring's talk: "O Ye That Embark," and the entire last General Conference have really inspired me. I'm just doing my best and shipping God the rest. :)
I don't have anymore time. I will write more next week. I love you all!! Have a fabulous week! And know that God can strengthen you to just keep going. Hang in there!
With deep gratitude for all the love I'm getting from all of you,