Monday, May 9, 2011

Hope Ya Know I'm Having a Hard Time. :)

Hello Friends and Family!
This week I have been inspired by many things.  One:  My mom.  (:D)  Two:  A talk by Elder Cook called, "Hope Ya Know We Had a Hard Time."  Third:  My first good prayer in a long time.
Spirit Burst:  My prayers have been weak for a while.  Do I pray in English or in Japanese?  Why am I so miserable?  How do I be an effective missionary in these circumstances?  I let those questions really bother me and weaken my personal prayers.  They were short and to the affect of:  "Hope ya know I'm having a hard time."  My stubbornness created a wall that prohibited me from receiving help and consolation from those that could help.  I have never done anything as hard as this.  This is hard and I've hurt a lot and I'm only a quarter of the way done (I'm not counting; numbers courtesy of Rachel ;D).  This is NOT what I thought it would be.  Yet I was being such a stubborn bum!  Well, who better to help than my mom and on what better day than Mother's Day? (Trevik and Dad`s advice was similar and helpful.)  Guess what they all said. . . "Take it to the Lord."  And yesterday for the first time in a while I had a conversation with God.  I cried.  I told Him that I hurt, and I told Him where it hurt.  As I poured everything on the floor and offered it to the Lord my mind de-fogged.  I saw what problems I could fix, and then I saw those that couldn't be fixed by me.  I felt a strength to just deal with the burdens that can't be fixed.  Yesterday was a good day because of it.  My understanding of the Atonement deepened a little.  If you're hurt, take it to the Lord.  If you've been wronged, take it to the Lord.  If you feel alone, invite the Lord to stay with you.  I am still in the same situations.  I still have problems.  Nothing visably has changed, but I'm trusting the Lord to help with those things I can't do alone.  And I've felt it already.  I wasn't delivered from my trials but I am receiving strength that is not my own to bear the weight.  I'll survive.  :)
Elder Cook's talk: "Hope Ya Know We Had a Hard Time, "  President Eyring's talk: "O Ye That Embark," and the entire last General Conference have really inspired me.  I'm just doing my best and shipping God the rest.  :)
I don't have anymore time.  I will write more next week.  I love you all!!  Have a fabulous week!  And know that God can strengthen you to just keep going.  Hang in there!
With deep gratitude for all the love I'm getting from all of you,
Jenkins Choro

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